He's A Madman

You know its a madman when he...

Puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind.
Gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
Tries to drown a fish in water.
Thinks socialism means partying.
Trips over a cordless phone.
Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign here" he puts "Sagittarius."
Studies for a blood test and fails.
Sells the car for gas money.
Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
Drives to the airport and sees a sign that aid,"Airport left",he turns around and goes home.
Gets locked in a furniture shop and sleeps on the floor.